The post that didn't appear

You may have noticed I didn't post this Tuesday. This is the sort of thing which can happen. I had planned to do my usual "What's in my fridge?" post, and for obvious reasons, well, that has to be done on the same day.

And I did start. And I took a pic. And then technology started breaking down. And then my head fell apart. And the rest of the day was more or less just geared at getting through, keeping myself fed, and just rest, rest, rest.

It is a fact of life that I can start out a day doing fine, and then suddenly it just disintegrates, and being able to string two thoughts together and making sense of them is but a dream. Sometimes there is a trigger, but there doesn't have to be. Yesterday the trigger was camera troubles. I did get them sorted out at the end of the day, but I decided that if this blog is to really give a tangible impression of how my life goes, well, sometimes I won't be posting even if it is scheduled. And I am not going to be ashamed about it. Sad, yes, disappointed, maybe. Ashamed, no.

This has made it clearer to me how important it is to keep a schedule of my blogging, and to try to write a bit every day. This isn't bad, in fact it may be beneficial to me to get the routine in. And having a few finished posts ready so I can use a back-up plan on future days of brain malfunction. Because there will be more. I know it. At least they aren't as frequent as they used to be, nor always as bad.

There are three valuable lessons I learned from what happened Tuesday.

First: planning my blog ahead, and building up a buffer or reserve of posts. It strikes me this isn't merely practical for building a frame/routine for myself, nor for making it possible to post something even on bad days. It would also be helpful for when I plan on going on holiday. And in June and July there will be a need for that. Especially in July when I will be out of internet reach.

Second: I am learning more about technological appliances and computers. I may not always understand how and why, but from believing I had wasted money on a new type of memory card which was useless, I was able to think "What happens if I do X?", and then slowly experiment my way into being able to access the pictures and videos on the card. Even though I am still very much a novice at all this, I am building up a sense of accomplishment and confidence.

Third: Sitting down with one of my colouring books and a box of colour pencils and getting on with them, while either watching a documentary or film or listening to music helps to calm my head, and slowly get it to settle down and start being functional again. I actually knew this already, but it was good to be reminded of it. I need to remember it for the future. It won't cure me, and I might not be able to do anything mentally demanding the rest of the day, but it helps soothe me.

So the post that didn't appear instead spent itself in teaching me a few things. Not bad. And if this helps you see some hidden treasure in your life, better.

Crash and Burn

So.

Today I had planned on bringing you a post about the Cluck Brigade. That is, about my chickens. That is not going to happen. Because yesterday in the late afternoon I experienced one of my crash and burn episodes.

What is a crash and burn episode? Basically, it is when I have been doing pretty okay up to when suddenly, out of the blue, I'm no longer doing okay. Where my brain just ceases to function, and small things suddenly turn into huge obstacles, and slightly challenging tasks turn into impenetrable mountain ranges.

There is only one thing to do when that happens, and that is to accept that your brain is not going to be up to anything more that day, and immediately cancel all plans for the rest of that day, and just try to make it through.

Often this means that the next day will have to be slow. Not necessarily nothing going on, but I need to make sure there's lots of time to relax and recover.

So, why do these crash and burn events happen? Well, my guess is that I have probably been overdoing things during the previous days. Perhaps not enough to notice it. But enough to be adding up on an invisible calculator, and then at some point, BOOM! Crash and burn, baby, crash and burn.

I suspect that this particular incident has its roots in my very productive Friday morning where I think I managed to run four or five errands and go into four different shops. I did take the rest of the Friday off, and had a slow Saturday, but I probably should have been slower the following days too.

The good thing about this episode is that it has been a while since the previous one, and that I was actually able to realize I was in the process of crashing and was able to catch myself before burning. Also, I was pretty fortunate to have started prepping for supper rather early, because this meant I was more or less done with the cooking when it happened. So I had a decent supper. I have a small stock of miso sachets and soba noodles or instant noodle packets for times like these. Because feeding myself becomes one of the huge obstacles during a crash and burn.

So yesterday I had to give up hopes of writing about the chickens and finding pics, and also cancel my participation in the local garden society board meeting. Not least because it involved a long car drive, and I do NOT want to be behind the wheel at these times. Our traffic is not massive, but I wouldn't trust my reaction skills if anything out of the ordinary happened. And my brain is still not up to hunting for pics and writing non-rambling posts. So you'll have to wait for next week for a formal introduction to the chickens, and settle for me rambling.